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Talk:Heart of the Beast/@comment-26432133-20170409222453
(Contest Comment) SPOILERS ONE I love how you, as a writer, portray the Beast through the characters hooray for good writing! And the Dark Woods. Spoookyyyyyy :O I like the mention of how the Colony had been StormClan, it really emphasizes the Dark Woods cats' evil. (insert Spongebob meme here) Oh goodness the Mistress's territories sound huge. And the Colony seems so small. And the Dark Woods cats are so scary wow TWO It is so so so obvious AshXRay is gonna be a thing. I'm interested to see how it'll turn out. Ooo Ravyn's interesting. I like how he's so mysterious, because mysterious characters are always so intriguing once the mask of mystery is removed. (sorry for not making sense lol) Ray reacts pretty calmly to being called the Beast, considering the big reveal of the later chapters. I like how well he holds up his mask. And I like the emphasis of his two different sides, as the Beast and as Ray. I'm also wondering how often the Beast gets a toy? For some reason I find this really funny I'll just go to the weirdo den now. Oh, Averitha is a really cold name for such a really cold person. Noting what happens later on in the story ('cause I've already read it and didn't comment wHOOPS), I just made a connection to Beauty and the Beast. Y'know, Beast takes girl prisoner, Beast isn't actually a beast, they fall in love, happy ending. THREE I love these two sides of Ravyn. An evil, careless, unworthy of power tyrant, and the one saving everybody. And he isn't abusing his pet yayyy I apologize in advance for the lack of constructiveness, your story is so good I'm kinda just talking it doesn't really need much fixing except spelling lol And oh no Averitha don't think he's a softie doooonnn'ttttt FOUR Ahhh so that's why he kept her. Augh I want to take that whip and beat Averitha fifty million times grrrrrrr. Oo I like this "gasp! He's so sweet but he has to play the Beast poor Ravyn!" moment. Oh my goodness this sounds like Beauty and the Beast so much. Beast knows it would be right to let the Beauty go- check. Beauty doesn't want to leave the Beast (in BatB she does but only for her father ok and here she wants to help). I like how Ray is so convinced he's the Beast no matter what he does rip FIVE An argument yay those are so rare across the wiki. And poor Ravyn, having to kill so cruelly for Averitha. FORK AVERITHA, CRUSHING ON RAY WHILE MAKING HIM KILL CATS. FORK HER (wow look at me commenting like three sentences of a huge chapter. but firey, as little as I am commenting, I really really love this story ok) SIX I'm wondering how Ash could even attempt killing someone like Averitha. And hooray for Ashlyn, seeing the truth that he's giving up rather than making a final stand! Yes Ash bring him home please please please. I like how she can't explain to Jade all that's gone on, which really stresses the complexity of it all and how much has happened. Nice writing there, Firey. I'm terrified I'm spotting some sentences discussing adult stuff. Not because it's there but that I might've recognized it aH WELL THERE GOES MY INNOCENCE Go Ray! Rebel, rebel, rebel against Averitha three cheers for Ravyn!! :D And aww Ash and Ray are so sweet together I love this ship <3 SEVEN oH MY GOD I'M SHIPPING THEM SO MUCH I LOVE THOSE TWO AAAAAAAA found another sentence probably mentioning adult stuff what has middle school done to me where is my elementary school purity rip. Poor Ravyn, having to be so cruel for Averitha and...do things for her (I'm certain that's adult stuff okay I'm certain now). LOL Jas has me laughing she's so hyper and gossipy lmao DON'T TURN RAY IN DOOOOONNNN'TTTTTTTT Fancy eloquent sentences oooo xD Aurora is hilarious, I swear she was going to say lazy insertbadwordhere until she noticed Ray. EIGHT is mixed into seven or nine lol i can't remember which BUT ITS A GREAT CHAPTER TOO NINE GO ASH GO GO GOOOOOO YOU CAN SAVE HIM YOU CAN DO IT YOU GOT THIS nooo Averitha I'm torn do you really have the antidote or are you bluffing TEN Good thinking, Ashlyn. That might actually work. Oh wait nevermind, problems xD Oh wait nevermind again, Ash has an idea and her ideas are always good lol ELEVEN Ray is so selfless holy frick I don't think I could even be that selfless XP NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JAS NOOOOOOO *cries* yes Everett avenge her, avenge her for me because I can't enter the story and rip Averitha's neck out YAY GO EVERETT THANK YOU EVERETT THANK THANK YOU TWELVE cri this funeral is so sad all those symbolic colors I love this scene so much rest in peace Jas would have been a little better to like...butter her up before her slaughtering LOL i mean even though all writers do it there's a reason bc then the death is more effective. for example, later during the funeral it's mentioned she's the "light of our lives" but tbh, as a reader, i don't see how she was that to anyone but everett and very possibly ray but a) everett's not the narrator and b) ray kinda just cares for everyone. but i did still felt sad poor jas ;-; oh my LORD i love the ending it ties into the title so well aaaaa i love it yay firey yayayayayyyyyyyy and its so satisfactory JUDGING: The villainy topic was something you asked me for permission to bend, so I allowed you. Ray does really well both as a villain and as a hero and is so interesting that way c: And I don't see any cliches other than the first character of the opposite gender than the main character to enter the story is the love interest buuut that's not really that cliche and doesn't really matter OVERALL THOUGHTS I love this story so much the characters are so interesting it's amazing great job Firey this will most definitely land you in the top three.